inspire-indiana Chapter 439: The Edge of Self-Destruction
Chapter 439: The Edge of Self-Destruction
Lu Jingchen's world has fallen into endless darkness. He feels like he is falling into a bottomless black hole, with no end and no hope. His physical condition continues to deteriorate. His once healthy and energetic body is now riddled with holes due to alcoholism and smoking.
His room was filled with a pungent smell of alcohol and cigarettes, and the floor was littered with empty bottles and cigarette butts. He sat on the messy bed, his eyes dull and empty, his hair messy like a bunch of weeds, and his clothes wrinkled and stuck to his thin body. Every breath was accompanied by a stinging pain in his lungs, which was the mark left by excessive smoking, and his stomach cramped from time to time due to long-term alcoholism, but he had long been numb to these physical pains.
His mental state was at its worst. It was as if there was a demon whispering in his mind, urging him to go to the abyss of destruction. Those memories of Jiang Ciyou, once beautiful and painful, played disorderly in his mind like fragments of a broken movie. He remembered the first time they met, Jiang Ciyou's slightly shy smile, like the first flower blooming in spring, instantly lighting up his world. But now, that smile was like a sharp arrow piercing his heart, and every time he recalled it, he felt miserable.
He felt that he was already a superfluous existence in this world. He lost Jiang Ciyou, just like he lost the focus of his life. The beautiful blueprints he had planned for her in the future, all turned into bubbles at this moment. He originally thought that they would go through every spring, summer, autumn and winter together, greet the sunshine together every morning, and sleep in each other's arms every night. However, now, all of this has become an unattainable dream, and his life seems to have lost all its meaning.
On the brink of self-destruction, he began to make some dangerous and crazy behaviors. He no longer cared about his own safety. Sometimes he would walk alone on the streets late at night and wander aimlessly. He ignored the cars speeding on the road, as if those cold steel monsters were just illusions to him. Once, he was almost hit by an out-of-control car. The driver honked angrily and cursed, but he just stood there expressionlessly, with no ripples in his eyes.
He no longer cared about his social relationships. He deleted all his friends' calls and text messages without even looking at them. When his family came to visit him, he locked himself in his room and refused to meet them. He felt like an orphan abandoned by the world, and he didn't want to have any connection with the world anymore. His heart was filled with resentment towards the world. Why did fate play tricks on him like this? Why did it let him taste the sweetness of love and then ruthlessly take it away from him?
He even began to neglect his basic needs. Eating became a matter of indifference to him. Sometimes he would not eat a single bite of food for the whole day, but would just drink and smoke non-stop. His body became weaker and weaker, and his weight dropped sharply. His clothes, which once fit him well, now looked as loose as hanging on a hanger. His skin lost its luster, becoming sallow and dry. His eyes were deeply sunken, surrounded by dark circles, and he looked like a dying ghost.
His heart was filled with despair, and this despair was like a ball of black flame, burning in the depths of his soul. He felt that there was no way back, and he had fallen too deep into this dark vortex and could not extricate himself. He began to think of some extreme ways to end his suffering, and he felt that death might be the only way to free him. He imagined himself jumping from the top of a tall building. During that short fall, would he be able to feel a little freedom and get rid of those painful memories that followed him like a shadow?
However, every time this terrible thought came to his mind, he would have a slight struggle in his heart. He thought of how good Jiang Ciyou had been to him, those gentle words and considerate actions. When he was sick, Jiang Ciyou took care of him meticulously, cooked his favorite porridge, and stayed by his bedside until he recovered. Those beautiful memories were like the stars in the darkness, although weak, but enough to make him hesitate for a moment on the edge of self-destruction.
He knew that if he really chose to end his life, he would never see Jiang Ciyou again, even if the possibility was very small. His heart was constantly wandering and struggling on the edge of life and death, like a small boat that had lost its direction in a storm and could be swallowed by the turbulent waves at any time.
The author says:
Dear readers, in this chapter, Lu Jingchen's condition has reached an extremely dangerous situation. Through this description, I want everyone to deeply feel the despair and helplessness after he lost his love. Sometimes, the departure of love is like a storm that can destroy all the defenses in a person's heart. However, even in such a dark moment, there is still a glimmer of humanity, which also foreshadows his subsequent transformation. I hope everyone can feel the complex emotions in this character's heart, and I also hope that everyone will not give up hope easily no matter what difficulties they encounter in life.